My (Virtually Stupidly Easy) 2-Step Methodology To “Feeling Higher” 

Rising up Mormon, you put on a CTR ring – a relentless reminder to “Select The Proper”. As an grownup non-Mormon, I truly actually love this idea – simply not with affiliation with any faith and even morality. CTR is the Mormon model of WWJD, which I additionally like – a logo that reminds you to make good decisions. However in the present day I’m not speaking about selecting “good” over “dangerous,” it’s selecting what makes me really feel higher after I’m caught in a meh or unhappy temper (lengthy darkish moist winters listed below are difficult). Final April, I learn one thing that was fairly life-altering (and nearly silly in its simplicity). It was by a well-known happiness psychologist (sorry, I neglect who) who outlined their “key to feeling pleased”. Hear, I’m cautious like most individuals about privileged gurus telling others how they need to be happier (*cough* myself included), however each every so often a nugget actually hits, after which as a compulsive sharer I need to inform you. You see after I’m careworn, unhappy or in a unfavorable loop, I can simply address not the healthiest issues (french fries, wine, chocolate, holing myself up at the hours of darkness binging Love is Blind, avoiding everybody and every little thing, procrastinating within the title of “self care,” blah blah) and generally these are completely superb however these nearly by no means contribute to me feeling higher. And I do know it. After which I get so mad at myself for not making a better option, and thus the loop begins. It’s not at all times simple or pure for me; I’ve to power it, however after I do, it has at all times labored.

Right here it’s (don’t snicker): Step 1: Determine the issues that make you’re feeling good, after which, Step 2: Do them as usually as doable. 

It sounds nearly too simple. Now clearly there are a ton of issues out of our management that deeply have an effect on our particular person “happiness” (together with, you already know, societal techniques of oppression, well being/marriage/cash issues, every day risks, childhood trauma, psychological well being, power illness/ache, the patriarchy) so this isn’t meant to repair any of these – it’s nearly what we’ve got in our energy to manage which is our perspective and temper. Coincidentally, I’m positive in a greater place to sort out any bigger issues or suppose larger after I’m in a extra constructive temper. After I began doing this 2-step strategy six months in the past, it completely shifted my day (and life) loads, and this subsequent 12 months I need to make a acutely aware effort to do it extra (November/December is at all times a bit slippery for me, so it’s so good to be again at it).

Now, we are able to all simply record stuff we “love to do,” stuff that’s “enjoyable” for us, and even our “favourite” issues to do, however this record is completely different. It’s much less “bottomless mimosa brunch” (which is okay!) and extra about what makes you’re feeling actually good about your self, each throughout and extra importantly after you’ve performed it. And the hope is that these little micro “items” can add as much as a greater day (after which life). 

So within the title of web self-indulgence, I figured I’d record mine for you: 

1. Lengthy walks: with the pups, with children, with shut buddies, or Brian speaking by way of all issues or just with an ideal podcast – weighted or not, nature or road. JUST WALK.
2. Partaking my children by doing one thing they need to do: Doing a craft with Elliot and taking part in chess with Charlie (and no, I don’t at all times really feel prefer it, however it at all times feels good after).
3. “Connecting” with Brian
4. Any date evening dialog the place we don’t discuss logistics (which helps with #3)
5. Making and consuming a wholesome soup or any Sunday meal prep (I’m at all times so pleased with myself! And my week goes so a lot better) – at all times performed with a podcast if children aren’t serving to. And so gratifying.
6. Cleansing or organizing whereas listening to a gripping podcast (Can this be thought-about a “interest”? However sure, I additionally use this to keep away from different issues, so I’ve to watch out right here…)
7. Weeknight TV exhibits snuggled with my household: Watching one thing that all of us love equally. Easy shared experiences with a number of bodily contact (proper now it’s previous seasons of Survivor – we’re addicted!). No telephones. No scrolling. A lot of snuggles.
8. Any train (duh): However doesn’t need to be Orange Principle (which works however oof). I like yoga, pilates, or my Peloton (particularly with Cody or Sam Yo), a fast HIIT coaching, or lifting weights with a podcast. 20 minutes does WONDERS.
9. Fast enjoyable room makeovers for my family and friends (my fantasy job – such a win/win).
10. Chilly plunging or sauna blanket (sorry, I nonetheless find it irresistible – at all times boosts my temper).
11. Any time in nature: Climbing, cross nation, watching waterfalls, simply sitting amongst bushes. Seems I would like bushes to thrive, rain or shine.
12. Studying in mattress with Charlie or “Woman discuss” with Elliot: Really easy to simply put them to mattress, however after we make the time to go up early and join all our nervous techniques relax, and it’s a giant love fest. 
13. Having “the onerous dialog” (which might be really easy to place off however you’re feeling so good afterwards – JUST DO IT!!!)
14. Serving to others: Adorning for individuals who want the assistance (most likely my favourite a part of my job, win/win). Hoping to do much more this 12 months (together with readers and extra people struggling).
15. Main crew conferences with readability and group as a result of I used to be ready (really easy for me to suppose I can wing it or that we’re only a well-oiled machine that doesn’t want tending to).
16. Crew retreats! (See above!) All of us really feel so excited and dedicated after a couple of days collectively.
17. Fast household recreation after dinner (generally it seems like a lot work TBH, however we by no means remorse it).
18. Studying weblog feedback and responding (I really feel so related to you and my profession extra, I really feel extra a part of this neighborhood, I’m reminded why I like being right here, and really feel so grateful immediately).
19. Having my household over for a giant, enjoyable meal (at all times chaotic, at all times enjoyable): The six cousins collectively are so heartwarming – one thing we by no means had rising up.
20. Dancing (why don’t I do that extra???)
21. Listening to musicals on full blast and singing tremendous loud.
22. Journaling (with a heavy gratefulness follow – it completely shifts my day). 
23. Romance novels (or any gripping novel): additionally helps with #3. My recs HERE.
24. Studying or listening to something by Brenne Brown, Esther Perel or Adam Grant – my heroes: I at all times really feel empowered, seen, and simply extra able to sort out my private challenges after spending time with them.
25. Household canine walks (children will complain, and but we’ve got one of the best conversations).
26. Sizzling tub with face/hair masks, natural tea or espresso (wet weekend mornings are one of the best, additionally helps with #3). Sizzling water releases oxytocin (I believe all the above do, truly).

It’s actually a extremely enjoyable train to record all of them (and I additionally printed them out for my every day reference). Positive, lots of these items I take pleasure in or don’t thoughts, however more often than not it’s in regards to the good emotions that come afterwards – the dopamine, oxytocin, or simply pleasure that I checked the field and made a sensible choice. Trying on the record, it’s clear that “connecting” is my car in direction of feeling “higher”. I really feel probably the most “good” after I join with my children, my husband, my buddies, my crew, my pets, my household, my residence, my well being/physique, and YOU. These items don’t deplete me; they simply fill me up. If I do know all of this, then why do I put them off? Why do I not bake 2-3 of those into my day daily??? They’re all free, and plenty of don’t require greater than 20 minutes!

Really doing them is usually the barrier, proper? And it’s not about “discovering” the time, I do know I’ve to carve it out. I’ve to get out of my seat and off my cellphone. So final 12 months I began implementing Mel Robbins’ “Rocket” 5,4,3,2,1 technique to truly get myself to do any of the above issues every day. Now, TBH, I’m not an enormous Mel fan (I don’t presently join together with her “robust love” borderline know-it-all persona, however I can take a few of what she says and implement it in my very own manner), however boy does this work for me. You simply cease pushing aside the factor you already know you need to do and depend down like a rocket ship announcer, out loud, “FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!” and also you MUST, like a rocket, get out of your chair and go do it. It’s so silly! And but it really works! Brian has caught me a number of occasions chanting it to myself at my desk, then getting on my exercise garments and forcing a 20-minute Peloton. After which, you guessed it, I really feel higher. 

So my New 12 months’s decision is to do extra of the above (which has been fairly derailed since Thanksgiving). Select connection and well being over depletion, Okay, Emily? As a substitute of drinks with buddies, provide a stroll with buddies. As a substitute of indulging in a actuality present stuffed with poisonous women screaming at one another, get within the tub with a romance novel, then join with Brian. No extra end-of-night doom scrolling, evaluating your self to others, simply cozy up with a ebook.

Determine what makes you’re feeling good, and do it as usually as doable.

I do know that for me, this works. I’ve examined it so many occasions – and each time I really feel higher. No actual issues shall be solved, however I’m in a position to transfer by way of it feeling a lot happier. Life can really feel so heavy proper now, and we’ve got such little management. Letting the SAD overtake us helps nobody (each seasonal in addition to simply the final existential anxious feeling that may simply permeate us all if we let it).

I might love, love, love to listen to what the straightforward issues are that make you’re feeling good inside, what lifts you whenever you really feel a bit down (or in case you simply need to really feel EVEN higher). Perhaps for a few of you it will be going out to dinner to a brand new place, heading to a museum and watching artwork, doing a DIY whereas listening to music, or a weekend away from town. Perhaps it’s meditation and prayer. Perhaps it’s simply lengthy canine snuggles in the midst of the day. Go away them within the remark part, and it might probably turn out to be a giant repository, a listing of “good issues” for any of us after we want a brand new thought or a lift to really feel higher. Let’s hear it (and thanks a lot for listening). Cheers to 2026 🙂

Opening Picture Credit score: Picture by Kailtin Inexperienced